Monday, October 06, 2014

Darkness in the city of the soul

I woke up this morning and my clock radio's face was blank. Yes, I was one of the 40,000 Aucklanders without electricity today. [[Note 12 October - This was the number I'd heard at the time, subsequently I've heard other numbers up to 85,000 and in one outlier, 85,000 homes. Obviously I didn't do my own count.]]

Just in case there was still no 'lecky tonight, I decided to save the hot water in the tank, a lukewarm shower tomorrow morning being preferable to an icy cold one. I also decided I didn't want a cold breakfast in an unlit room with no Internet so MacDonald for breakfast, St Luke's for a roast pork and salad lunch and Ponsonby Road for Fettuccine Bolognese for dinner. About 10 Million calories while feeling uncomfortable in my unwashed skin.

What I didn't do was have my morning Champix. Not intentionally, I just plain forgot. The packet sits on my computer desk so I normally have them in my face at both ends of the day. This morning I didn't sit there. I didn't notice any difference to my desire to stay smoke-free, but the addiction did try to slip in on the annoyances with the news that today was obviously special and a cigarette today wouldn't count. Ah, the ingenuity of my desire to lie to myself. Thankfully I was able to resist.

The power's back on. I've neither bathed nor smoked today. Tomorrow I will shower, but not smoke. I'm also seriously considering halving my Champix dose to see if it makes a difference to the fatigue.

I'm reading that most people who halve their Champix do it because of insomnia; I've got exactly the opposite problem and could happily sleep 19 hours a day. More on this when I post tonight's blog.

I'm scared of the comments that people who have halved their Champix found the cravings stronger. I just don't want to go there.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 5 October 2014.

Clean, clean at last

The electricity was still on this morning and it looks like Vector turned the hot water heating on overnight as well so I had a lovely hot shower. After feeling so sticky and horrible yesterday it felt so good to be clean.

As noted I've been having ongoing problems with fatigue. For example Saturday I had a full night's sleep, then was up for 2 hours then asleep for 4 or 5 then up for a few hours and then a full night's sleep. I don't know if it's Champix, a flu' like illness that Tessa and I have both had, or possibly some other medical condition. There's no way I want to risk being taken off the Champix early so I'm reduced to self diagnosis.

Despite the above confusion, I've been seriously thinking of halving my Champix dose, mainly as a way to work out if it is actually the Champix. I've been reading comments by people who have reduced their Champix dose because of insomnia. They find the cravings are greatly increased and I don't want to be dealing with any increased desire for inhale-able salads. I've decided for now to keep taking the full Champix dose, but I'm closely monitoring the situation.

Yesterday I forgot the morning one and didn't run out of energy. Today I deliberately took the morning one and the evening one and haven't felt the exhaustion yet. Tomorrow I'll take the morning does and monitor my progress. If I start feeling done-in early to mid afternoon I may try moving my tablet times to later in the day and just before bed.

As a footnote, Tessa had a bad night's sleep the last two nights because of another problem. Early afternoon today she hit the wall and needed a nap. She thinks it was the broken sleep; I'm not convinced that the flu-like illness wasn't involved and am watching there as well.

Usually writing these entries out helps to clarify things in my mind. Today I'm as confused as when I started. Oh well, let's find out if tomorrow is really another day.

I will go to the doctor if this becomes long term or if it starts getting much worse. Meanwhile there are reasons I don't want to discuss here why I'm not ready for that step yet.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Monday 6 October 2014.

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