I didn't sleep too well last night. I went to bed early and woke up a little before 2 AM with a full bladder. After dealing to that I couldn't settle and didn't get back to sleep until after 3:30 AM. I've heard this can be a side-effect of Champix, but think it was more stress related. Time will tell. When the alarm went I really wanted more sleep, but work summoned.
Before I started this programme I tried to work out where my big risks were. Work is one of the big ones. I knew I needed to give up late on Friday so I could have two full days smoke-free before next being at work. Even so, I have a fairly intense and mentally demanding job so I saw my first smoke-free working day as a huge risk.
It was weird. I seem to have already adjusted to not stepping outside for that first smoke of the day; but when I left home for the bike ride to work I instinctively patted my jacket pockets for my cigarettes. (Yes, I used to smoke while riding my push-bike. If you work in the Parnell, Newmarket ares you may have just sussed who I am).
Starting the work day without a quick puff just before going in wasn't too bad. I've deliberately decided not to tell anyone without a "need to know" about my giving up. My workmates don't need to know. If they notice they notice, but I'm not bringing the matter up. A couple of times during the day when I would have taken a quick smoke break wasn't too bad either. I just reminded myself I wasn't smoking. I actually went to my designated smoking area for a minute or so ... mainly to get out of the air conditioning and computer whirr.
Lunch time was tough. I went to a nearby lunch-bar for a sandwich and chips. I chose this lunch bar today because I knew that I wouldn't walk past a place that sells cigarettes. On the way back to work, eating lunch as I walked I started thinking about the closest places that sell cigarettes. I ended up deciding that the closest one required walking past work ... so as soon as I got to work I raced inside and started back into work a little earlier than scheduled.
If I can play mind games to try and trick myself into visiting tobacco pushers, I can certainly play mind games to stop myself.
This afternoon was also tough. Mostly because the work I was doing required only very small amounts of action by me and large amounts of waiting for the computer to install new software. Time I could spend thinking about you-know-what.
I was reasonably well in control, and didn't get back to mentally triangulating tobacco pushers.
Riding home was tough. Tough, tough, tough. I was physically shaking, almost begging myself to stop at the Mobil petrol station 500 metres from home and buy a packet. A little voice was saying "Just smoke one and throw the rest of the pack away". No, I was strong, I resisted.
Then I went to my local dairy for a loaf of bread. The lady there asked if I wanted any cigarettes. She's the first I've told I'm giving up, she wished me luck. I ended up buying a packet of chili peas, to give a lower calorie alternate to the sugar snacks and nuts.
For about the first hour I was munching and wanting that cigarette. It's abated now. I know I shouldn't let myself substitute junk-food for the cigarettes; but right now I'm adding "long term" to that.
It's 7PM and I'm feeling pretty good.
3 days clean!
An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Monday 8 September 2014.