Blogs, energy and the passage of time

When I started this journey I decided I would write up my progress each day. As I said in a comment to my previous blog I didn't really expect I'd succeed in getting through the first week. When / if I failed yet again I wanted a record of how I failed so I could look back on it next time and plan better. Things have changed now. Come midnight tonight I will be 4 weeks smoke free. I really feel I can do it this time if I can overcome the tiredness.

I'm putting the success down to two things. The Champix and the blogs this site. The Champix bit is self explanatory, "the blogs on this site" isn't quite so obvious, my blogs, your blogs, your comments on my blogs and my comments on your blogs all help me. I don't really know you beyond what you say here about your progress along the same journey as I'm taking, we're like a band of Anti-Argonauts avoiding being fleeced by the golden leaf.

But the blog is also telling me something I didn't expect to happen has happened. This tiredness is both on-going and starting to get me down. If its from Champix I'm in a bad place, I can't see myself winning without it. If it's not the Champix I'm starting to get really worried. As she's had the virus I had a few days behind me, Tessa is my miner's canary. If she's got the exhaustion too this weekend I can put it down to the virus too. Of course, if it doesn't clear up soon it will open its own difficulties - for both of us.

[[Update: 19 October
The tiredness did eventually go away. I'm getting a few broken nights of sleep, , but at least when I'm tried the next day I know what to blame it on.]]

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Friday 3 October 2014.

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Stats Update: 28 days smoke free

Smoke free days: 28 days
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 840
Total savings: $753.20

Another quiet day. Didn't want to get up this morning so managed to sleep on and off until nearly 10. Then I was up for a couple of hours and then went back to bed for nearly 4 hours sleep.

I feel OK now, but too much sleep is going on here.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Saturday 4 October 2014.

Birthday Dinner

I had another rough day, exhaustion and needed to sleep for much of the
day. I'm really looking forward to this symptom of whatever going away.

Today is Tessa's birthday and we went out for dinner at Tony's Henderson
(Her choice). She asked me a couple of times if I wanted to go for a
cigarette, I just said "No". After the main she asked again and this
time I just looked at her.

Tessa: "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Me: continued looking
T: "Have you given up or something?"
Me: "Yes"
T: looks in disbelief "When?"
Me: "4 weeks ago"
T: "Why?"
Me: "I don't want to die"
T: "Why didn't you tell me?"
Me: For the first couple of days I didn't want any additional stress.
Since then I've been waiting for you to realise.

It's a relief that it's finally out of the bag as I'd been getting
rather bored of the "say nothing" game.

It's a relief finally being out of the closet with respect to my
non-smoking.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Thursday 2 October 2014.

Welcome Stoptoberists.

Just wanted to welcome all you Quit-line quitters to the Given Up Club.

The Rules Are:
1. You Can Do It!
2. Not One Puff Ever!
3. One Day At A Time!

Now on with my daily report. If you're new here and not used to my blogging, don't read too much into the health stuff in my writings, my nearest and dearest has never been a smoker and is getting most of the same, we suspect a virus and no we haven't been to west Africa.

My 26th smoke free day's been characterised by acid stomach, burping and methane production elsewhere. Coming up to lunchtime I felt quite bad so
I swapped around and had a vegetarian lunch from the Indian food place in the Rialto then ham + salad rolls for dinner.

After I'd finished it occurred to me that Indian might not have been the best choice for an acid stomach, but it wasn't too spicy. Mind you, when Tessa asks me how spicy Asian food is, I often need to say "Very mild, probably too spicy for you" ... she's the first to admit that she's a "Wuss". I've observed since giving up that I do notice chili a little more, but am still fairly tolerant. To be fair, she can woof down cupcakes that are 1000 times sweeter than I can enjoy.

It's not even 10pm and I'm fading fast. Still quite acid, but hopefully
I'll drop off to sleep fairly quickly.

Night all.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 1 October September 2014.

Half-week 28th September to 1 October

[[October 16 Note: This was a fairly quiet week on my smoke free blogging front. I've decided to combine the days into a single post for Blogspot]]


A quiet weekend's been and gone

My fourth smoke-free weekend is ending. Each week that goes by is easier.

I'm still very low energy and have no idea if it's he Champix, the giving up, or this silly 'flu thing. Tessa has the 'flu thing that I had at the start of the week and has spent most of the weekend asleep, so I'm happy to blame that for now.

I'm now on my longest smoke-free since I first started and I really believe that this time I can win. I'm hoping that the exhaustion and the Champix aren't related. I have no idea if I still need the stuff, but I don't want to risk finding out.

I have a social event Monday evening. Luckily it's a smoke free event but it will be my first alcohol since early July. I'm not expecting any negatives but it will be interesting to observe how I react.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 28 September 2014.

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Coming out at work

I've let my workmates know that I'm on my 24th day of giving up. I explained that I said nothing earlier because I was trying to minimise stress. I also used it as a chance to explain about the possible side effects of Champix.

They took it well, but ironically in the late morning I got the strongest cravings I've had a work since week 1. Successfully resisted, of course.

In retrospect doing this today when I'm going out for drinks tonight for the first time since July probably wasn't the greatest tactical move but it's nothing I can't overcome.



An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 29 September 2014.

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Alcohologram -- Reality through wine tinted glasses

I survived my first evening with alcohol since a couple of months before giving up tobacco. I wasn't exposed to smoke during the event, but afterwards walking up Albert Street to the bus there were a few people smoking on the street. Not long ago I would have been one of them and it definitely set off triggers a few times.

One of the strongest triggers was when I passed the Manhattan building where I lived for a few months in 2002 or early 2003 .... and there's a convenience store right there. Luckily I was able to stay true to my quest for a bus and Veered neither to the right nor to the left but went like Peter Dunne, straight down the centre"

Another test passed. Now I know I can drink and not smoke. Also it was good catching up with some people I haven't seen in several months, including someone I haven't seen since the mid '70s. I didn't even know he was associated with that group.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Tuesday 30 September 2014.

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Distractions

Got really stressed at work today (work related). Rewriting some procedural code as SQL was slowly but surely doing my head in. I needed to cut out for a walk and ended up circumnavigating the old Newmarket Domain (The block that contains Lumsden Green and the pool) to clear my mind.

Yes, cigarettes were on my mind, but not as a strong urge. I did toy with the idea of smoking "Just one" but resisted. When I'm looking at myself "from a distance" it's amazing how cunning and duplicitous I can be in my dealings with myself.

I rewarded myself with a little gift. Starting today it's been possible to register .nz instead of .co.nz, etc. I registered clement.nz to match my surname. I'm not sure what I'll do with it yet, but I'm sure I'll think of something.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 1 Octoer 2014.

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Just oneism

Now I'm on my 26th day I think my brain has finally accepted that I'm determined not to go back to smoking so the full frontal attack has largely gone away.

I've noticed recently that it keeps throwing "I'll just have one" more and more at me. Intellectually I know that this would be a really dumb move and impossible to keep to so there's no way I'd risk it, but it's interesting how it keeps slipping into my consciousness.

Been a while since I did a stats update:
Smoke free days: 25 days
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 750
Total savings: $672.50


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 1 October 2014.

How Wifi Wifie got her name and other stories

I was asked in a comment on a previous post (Quit-line original) why I call Tessa "WIFI Wifie" on and the answer is "I don't", except on Quit-line. I'm already using my real given name and the first letter of my surname. If I used her given name as well we'd be easily identifiable. Obviously this is now published on my public blog but at least initially I was not wanting to unambiguously identify myself. Especially as the image I displayed on my Quit line profile really is me from a couple of years back. My hair is longer now.

I do like her and as they all sound too curt, I didn't want to just say something purely descriptive like "The wife", "My former fiancée" or "She who must be appeased with the hearts of young children"

"Wifie" was simply intended as an affectionate diminutive for "wife". I'll admit that I didn't do my homework properly there as that's an Americanism. The term doesn't exist as such in standard English but in Geordie it's derogatory (ref: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/wifie).
Again it was a bit curt and even without the research seemed almost a put-down "widdle iddle wifie", so I wanted a little something extra.

Eventually by an in-depth process of looking up slightly to the right of my computerat a small plastic box with aerials and flashing lights I came up with WIFI. That's too prosaic, so I needed a better justification.

"WIFI" because:

1. If you search Google for Wifie, it will suggest "wifi"
2. It's nicely alliterative.
3. We each have Android phones and tablets and share an iPad we won. I like my keyboard and desktop, she prefers using the tablets via WIFI

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 28 September 2014.

The evening and the morning were the 21st day

It's really hard thinking that three weeks ago tonight I was rationing my last pack of cigarettes to run out exactly at bed time so I wouldn't have any left for the morning. A lots happened in that time and a lot hasn't.

I finished one piece of unfinished business today when I emptied and washed out my ashtray at work. I'd been avoiding dealing with it because I simply didn't wish to touch it Today I treble bagged the contents and gave the empty container a good rinse.

I've decided to sit Tessa down over the weekend and let he know I've given up smoking. She's currently sick with the bug I had, so I'll be gentle with her.

I've been having a tough day of it today. I've still got some left-overs from the virus I had earlier in the week and just after midnight I had some severe stomach cramping ... I think I lost a couple of kilos before I went back to bed 1/2 an hour later. Despite doubting I had anything left to give, I've since been 5 more times starting at around 6am. Some for real and some as Shakespeare put it "a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing."

An early night for me tonight. I've programmed Coronation Street to record and I'll watch it over the weekend.

Night all and as Dave Allen used to say "may your God go with you."

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Friday 26 September 2014.

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Morning
Something weird happened a little after 8PM. The TV suddenly switched itself on in the back room. Took me a while to work out where the voices were coming from. Once I got back to bed it did take me a couple of hours to finally drop off again, but I must have got nearly 10 hours sleep. I'm feeling much better, sitting here watching Coronation St. The recording "broke" at about the point where the TV switched on. Luckily I'm past that point now and still watching.

Plans for today include chillin' out and not smoking.

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Tired

After sleeping over 10 hours last night, I've done very little today. I had a couple of hours nap in the afternoon and still feel I have very little energy now.

I don't think that this is something I can put down to the Champix. Tessa seems to be following the same illness/tiredness process as me a few days behind and as far as I know she's never smoked so she's most definitely not on Champix. She's slept most of the day.

On the plus side, as far as I can remember I've had no cravings today.

I don't think we're anaemic. It felt viral, but I have been eating more vegetarian food than normal this week. I normally eat meat about 5 or 6 meals a week (out of 14) and when the fever was at its worst I couldn't face the thought of anything fatty or oily so I had muesli with boiling water for dinner those days. Tessa is much the same at the moment so vegetables are the menu. I love veggies. Until recently I used to set fire to dried veggies and inhale the smoke ... thirty times a day.

There's a lot more poisonous plants than there are poisonous animals.

On the other hand very few poisonous plants that sneak up and bite people...

Let's call it a draw


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Saturday 27 September 2014.

Psuedosynæsthesia ODAAT, not DOATT

Except for the lozenges and e-cigarettes I've tried everything everyone else on Quit-line has mentioned. before 1990 I even tried snuff and smokeless tobacco.

The only thing that's ever really worked for me has been nicotine receptor blockers like Zyban and Champix.

I'm on Champix now and on my 19th smoke free day. The cravings are largely gone, triggers are now very few, but what I have learned is I can't let my guard down. One cigarette and it's back to day 1. I've come too far to want to contemplate that.

I'm also on day 2 of a 24 hour virus. When I was a smoker, I'd force myself to light up and puff even when it made me cough so bad my lungs hurt. It was a relief today not to feel the urge to do this to myself.

(P.S.

• ODATT = One Day At The Time, The motto of Alcoholics Anonymous;
• DOATT = Day One All The Time)

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 24 October 2014.

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Psuedosynæsthesia?

I asked if anyone else was experiencing strange tastes unrelated to what they are actually eating?

A few times recently I've noticed a smoky aroma from Moccona coffee. Tonight I was having a peanut butter sandwich and suddenly had a taste of cinnamon. There was no cinnamon anywhere near me.

Someone on Quit-line mentioned green tea tastes like cigarettes to her now. Hmmm, green tea and cigarettes. I guess if you're a regular green tea drinker, that's much like my getting a smoky smell in my coffee.

I've noticed that Circus Circus' coffee tastes a bit stronger than previously, but Tessa also noticed that so I figured it was real. I still like about the same amount of chili-in-oil on my crispy pork.

I think I'll blame it on the Champix.

[[October 14 update. I seem to have gone off the crispy pork a bit since writing this, I'm finding it too fatty. I hope this isn't a long term taste change.]]

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Thursday 25 October 2014.

Recipe: Renuked beans a la Clement

I've been feeling a bit 'flu like all day. I couldn't be bothered having a proper meal so I thought I'd make one of my favourite comfort foods.

1 400g Tin baked beans,
1 *Large* heaped teaspoon Laoganma brand minced chili in chili oil
2 Thick slices from cheapest 1kg block mild cheese.
150 gm Nacho style corn chips.

Mix beans and chili in large dessert bowl.
Julienne cheese, insert into bean mix long-wise.
Cover with Glad wrap
Microwave until boiling.

Eat with the corn-chips. A thumb or spoon may be necessary to mop up the last bit.

Preparation time 1 to 3 minutes depending on pantry search time.
Cooking time 2 to 3 minutes.

Serves 1 hungry ex-smoking man or 2 normal people.

It is edible, but hardly gourmet. Add a bit more and the chili works up a sweat after eating.

Cautions:
* Tongue burning hot when first out of the microwave
* Take care not to miss your mouth. The mix is incredibly hard to get out of your beard once cooled.

P.S. Still not smoking and feeling good about it.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Monday 22 September 2014.

Day 18. Flu

Yes, I was right, I was coming down with something. Have felt a bit soft and squishy all day.

Reading through the blogs tonight, there's a lot of heavy stuff going down for others, so I won't dwell on anything. I'm still here, still not smoking and don't feel any need to smoke tonight.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Tuesday 23 September 2014.

Saturday, Reflecting A better mood

Gosh that last post of mine was unpleasant. I wasn't in a good head space at all yesterday. Feeling much more positive today.

Listening to the wind howl I'm glad I voted yesterday. I've always liked voting on the day, but I'll happily stay inside today.

Time for some reflection.

Two weeks ago today I woke up for my first smoke-free day. I didn't start blogging on Quit-line until 2 days later, but my first post http://www.quit.org.nz/blog/view/post/59823/ was a recap and said "Saturday was rough. Every time I walked by the back door I wanted to step out and light up [...]. I think if I'd had any I would have lit up. I refused to leave the house. Several times I felt desperate for a smoke. I ended up hitting the sweets, biscuits, nuts, and almonds pretty hard."

Looking back at those rather bleak words I can feel how far I've come, and also see I've still got a long way to go. I'm still munching on nuts, almonds and chocolate biscuits; but not nearly as much. I'm still not terribly keen on social outings, but aren't actively avoiding them.

There's still not a huge amount of active joy in my life, but not as much sorrow either. To an extent my emotions are wound back. It's improving gradually though.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 20 September 2014.


Day 16. Quiet day

I'm feeling like I have a minor virus. Not sure if that's psychosomatic or something real. Given I was exposed on Thursday and Friday at work I'd believe either way. Whichever it is it's sapping my energy.

Yesterday I had an extensive nap in the afternoon. After watching the tail end of the election results I slept late this morning. Then I ended up having a nap in the afternoon.

Until I sat down to come to the Quit line site to write this I hadn't really thought about smoking today.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 21 September 2014.

[[Note: 15 October. This was the first time I commented on, and I think the first time I noticed, the energy sapping virus that bugged me for the next few weeks]]

It's just a jump to the left then a step to the right

Let's do the smoke-free tonight :)

[[Note 15 October. This is a rather horrid posting. I've left it in the republishing sequence as it shows where my mind was at this point of giving up. The next day's posting noted this as well. I'm going to repost them simultaneously]]

With really damp weather predicted for the weekend, I voted at lunchtime. On my way out of the polling booth there was some kind of "media event" happening. I needed to push past some turkeys sitting on the stairs with telephoto lenses trained on a toad-like creature at the main door.

Despite the fact that he was blocking access to and from an operating polling booth the mediadroid had the cheek to complain that I had knocked his camera as I passed. As did the toad-like creature as I needed to push past it (*) to get out of the building.

Moral: Don't mess with a recent ex-smoker. I was feeling quite evil today and my charity levels were way down(**).

Kathy, the Brisbane based co-worker I mentioned yesterday, had a nosebleed at lunch yesterday with flu like symptoms today. I accused her of having Ebola, like I can't tell the West-coast of Africa from the East-coast of Australia. (Hint: East Africa has more water)

Anyway, I've voted. I have my emergency survival kit and can stay in all weekend if I need to.

(*) I'm unsure of the correct pronoun.
(**) I did give to the Canteen street collection though. Canteen's a great charity and I always make a point of supporting their street collections.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Friday 19 September 2014.

Outed at work today

Kathy, a colleague of ours from Brisbane was in town today and we went for lunch as a group. We were meeting at the front door to work's building. I arrived there with Jan, the person at the next desk to me and went to go outside. Jan asked if I was going out for a smoke and I said "No", just going out.

After lunch when we came back three of us got into the lift and for some reason Jan asked why I hadn't had a smoke. Kathy piped up "He's given up smoking" which led to a funny exchange

Jan: Have you given up?
Me: Yes.
Jan: Why did you lie when I asked if you were having a cigarette before?
Me: I didn't lie. You asked if I was having one and I said "No". Then I didn't have one.
Jan: When did you give up?
Me: Two weeks ago. (OK, a slight exaggeration it won't be two weeks until late tomorrow night)
Jan: No, when did you give up?
Me: Two weeks ago.
((Awkward Silence))
Me: When did you last see me have a smoke?
Jan (To Kathy): How did you know he gave up?
Kathy: He doesn't smell of smoke any more.

OK, work guessed before Tessa. Always a possibility as there are 4 of them and only one of her, but I wasn't expecting someone I only see every few months to be the one to work it out. I've asked the people in the lift not to mention it to the others. I do feel sorry for Tessa. I was hoping for a day or two pressure free, tops. Now it's gone on for nearly two weeks and I'm quite worried that she'll feel hurt when she discovers I didn't share for so long.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Thursday 18 September 2014.

Pride cometh before a fall

I thought I was doing so well for the last few days until lunch today. We had an irregular get together at Sal's Pizza for people I used to work with.

Sitting outside after finishing eating I suddenly desperately wanted a smoke. I have no idea where it came from or why it was so strong.

If I'd had access to them at that point I would have lit up. I did resist walking up the road and buying some, but only just. I was already on my feet when the party broke up.

Right now I feel one hell of a lot less cocky than I have recently.

"Pride costs more than hunger, thirst and cold." - Thomas Jefferson

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 17 September 2014.

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Nicknames for Nick O'Teene

Many call it "Nicodemon". As smoking is like a kiss, I've been calling her Lady N. While I wouldn't knowingly kiss a demon, I've kissed a few ladies in my time. I found out this morning it upsets someone who's on-line here as it's close to her nickname.

Sorry if the Lady N makes anyone uncomfortable. Any pet name runs the risk of upsetting someone. I used to work with a French guy called Nico and I guess he could feel the same about "Nicodemon".

So everyone, what do you call Nicotine?

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 17 September 2014.

Approaching normality, day 10 non-smoking

"Probability factor of one to one. We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem." Trillian (hhgttg)

I feel I'm approaching normality, not there yet, but at least the buildings aren't washing up and down on the beach while the sea stays as stationary as a rock.

Today I had the least cravings I've had since giving up.

No desire to light up early this morning. No desire on arriving at work. I was polite to the jaywalker merely pointing out that had I had a car and not a bicycle that she would have been very sore indeed.

One of the other tenants in our office building is in a similar field and smokes. Sometime I used to smoke and chat with him. Today as I went to lunch he was having a smoke and I stopped and had a chat ... have to admit that I would have liked a cigarette at that point, but it's one of only two times today I have. The other was on returning from lunch.

Bugger! The third was while I was typing the previous paragraph :) I guess I'm just an illusion in the mind of Heisenberg.

I wouldn't call them cravings, just an "I'd like a cigarette" moment. Manageable and avoidable.

I've had a few stomach cramps late today. not sure where that's going, it's probably just the massive influx of almonds, cashews, chilli peas, etc.

PS Kudos to @aimee7 for her post about feeling normal this morning; 2 days ahead of me :)


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 14 September 2014.

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William Blake Revisited

The Sick Rose

"O Rose thou art sick.
The invisible worm,
That flies in the night
In the howling storm:

"Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy:
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy."

Nothing, as such, to do with smoking but somehow it seems to fit as our love for smoking kills us.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 14 September 2014.

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Stats Update: 10 days smoke-free

There are many other stats on these blogs, they all look similar, but these are mine, Mine, MINE!!! Take that Mr Stuyvesant.

Smoke free days: 10 days
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 300
Total savings: $269.00

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Tuesday 16 September 2014.

I have no words and I must scream.

I may have made a tactical mistake when I decided I wasn't going to tell anyone I'd given up, just wait for them to notice. I didn't tell them because I didn't need any extra pressure. Past experience taught me that I needed to be single minded ad any pressure pro or con needed to be avoided. To be fair to Tessa and my cow-irkers, none of them have ever complained about my smoking. Tessa would probably be very supportive as she was when her mother gave up. I had no plans of keeping it a "secret" for this long from Tessa. My thought process was that I wouldn't mention it to start to reduce pressures and then sometime during the first day or two it would come up in conversation. I'm actually stunned that it hasn't been noticed.

Tessa I went to Circus Circus for coffee and the ground floor was full up inside so we decided to sit at one of the outside tables. The people at the other outside table pointed out that they were smoking and I assured them that we didn't mind.

Tessa looked up from her smartphone and volunteered that I was a smoker myself. I strongly wanted to ask her when she'd last seen me with a cigarette, hadn't she noticed that this was my 9th day smoke-free? I didn't, I'm waiting for that look of realisation when she works it out for herself.

We ended up having quite a good chat with the people at the next table. Much to my surprise their smoke affected me little ... neither to the positive nor the negative. It's possible that I wasn't completely OK about it but I was OK enough that I could sit there and talk to them without giving way to my compulsions.

I'm thinking she hasn't noticed because it's not about a TV cooking contest and I don't use Fail book. She even asked if I needed a cigarette as we were going into lunch (Before going for coffee). I'm sure she'll work it out eventually ... Heat death of the universe and all that.

I'm never going to be made to feel guilty for not noticing a haircut again.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 14 September 2014.

Ex Smokers and Snacking

I'm not normally a chewing gum fan, and despite my efforts to switch to it I'm sure I'm going to balloon out before I finish this process.

I'm eating a large amount of almonds and chilli peas together with moderate amounts of cashew nuts and then there's the occasional chocolate biscuits straight from the freezer. None of these are new to me, but I've sure ramped up my consumption. Dark chocolate TimTams is one of the two types of chocolate biscuits I keep in the freezer (The other being Select brand Chocolate Mint Creams). Love them ice cold.

What's everyone else on Quit-line doing snackwise?

Once the weather clears up a little I think I'll ramp up the exercise. Even a bit more cycling would help.

I've walked two of the last three "Round the bays", maybe this time I'll be able to jog it.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Saturday 13 September 2014.

Normal brain dysfunction restored

OK, not quite true.

I am having early migraine symptoms today. I get them from time-to-time so it's not unexpected I should get one during the quitting process. I've never been sure what triggers them, but I know stress can speed the process up.

Something is still playing havoc with my sleep processes. I went to bed 9:30 PM, slept to 1 AM, got back to sleep about 2:30, slept to about 7:30 didn't want to get up so I dozed off and on until a little before 10:30 AM. I don't feel quite as zapped as I have the last few days, but I also don't feel completely rested. I'm pinning it on the Champix, but it could be anything.

I'm definitely staying home today. Catch up on some of the comedy TV stuff I recorded during the week and wasn't in the mood to watch.

So far I haven't had any cravings today. It's only day 8 so I know it's just my brain being subtle while getting ready for a guerrilla attack on my common-sense. I'm hoping to defeat whatever is coming mostly by being in a place where it would be impossible to get a cigarette.

Take that you 1.5 kilos of ugly wrinkled grey matter :)

So far I'm not seeing the migraine as abnormal, just annoying. So far I've just had a few lots of "sparkles" so I know it's hovering in the background, I just wish it would hit and clear itself out my system for a month or two.

[[Updates 13 October

• The migraine hasn't really kicked in so it's now a month overdue. They'd been getting progressively more frequent and stronger for a few years so here's hoping.
• This tiredness hung around for over a month before mysteriously vanishing. Tessa's started a couple of days after me & ended about the same time. I have no proof what was behind it, but I suspect that Champix & quitting may have played their part in making it worse.]]

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Saturday 13 September 2014.

Vogonity: Resistance is futile. Day 7 non-smoking.

Somebody once said of me "doesn't suffer fools gladly, or at all if he can help it".

My vegan brother's in town from the UK at the moment. We wanted to meet for lunch. I suggested Newmarket where I work at noon. This was too early for him and too hard to get to. He wanted to go to Burger Fuel (I never knew they did vegan food) at 1. The nearest Burger Fuel's in Parnell so we compromised, Parnell 12:30.

12 sharp my phone rings. It's the brother. He's in Newmarket and doesn't know how to get to Parnell. I ask him where is. He can't give a clear explanation or street names and eventually advances he's outside a pub called The Lumsden.

"OK, wait there I'm 2 minutes walk away".

On one hand, he's lived overseas for 20 years, but he grew up in this town. We used to go swimming at the Newmarket pool. Which reminds me, he's training for a triathlon. He wanted to swim some laps. Standing outside the Newmarket pool he asks how to get to the tepid baths. I showed him the pool through the window.

Seven days of not smoking and Champix or not, my tolerance levels are down, after turning up where I suggested at the time I suggested both of which were impossible, I had little left.

We got down to Parnell and he had his vegan burger, while I had a Bastard burger with added Stilton (Blue cheese) sauce. What can I say? I would happily have gone to a vegetarian restaurant, but I'm not going into a burger place this week and not having my favourite from their menu.

I know that vegans won't eat honey; I took great delight teasing him that logically they also shouldn't eat fruits and vegetables pollinated by domesticated bees.

P.S. I know my brother isn't a fool. He did his doctorate in artificial intelligence; based on today it could have been a useful prosthetic for him.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Friday 12 September 2014.

Champix side-effects?

I've been going to bed and sleep a couple of hours early all week, yet I feel really tired. I did have a couple of broken nights but most nights I've slept through.

I've searched for this symptom related to Champix, and the people I've found who report it are experiencing vivid dreams and/or insomnia which I am not getting.

Today's my seventh day off the cigarettes, so I'm sticking with the Champix no matter what, but I could do with a bit more energy.

Fatigue", "exhaustion", "washed out" ... definitely. I just hope I can manage with it.

"Dizzy" - possibly what I experienced as mild nausea my first few days on Champix. Largely passed now.

"Basically a zombie with the munchies for a good 3 months" - Yikes. I've got the munchies, I hope I can avoid the other part, but if you see me wandering around saying "Brains ... brains .... brains" run :).

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Friday 12 September 2014.

Day 6. Getting more normal

I had my first noticeable health / fitness benefit today. While I was cycling to work I realised that I had been working the gears so I was changing up earlier and changing down later; meaning I was putting more energy into the ride ... all this without noticing I was working harder.

Back at work today after yesterday's stress attack, things seemed a lot easier than they have been all week.

I decided to venture further afield at lunch time than early in the week and went down to Passion Food at the Newmarket Plaza food court for a crispy skin pork with chili. I won't say I have this a lot, but when I front up at this Chinese food stand and hand over $10, no words are required.

I'd been avoiding this food court as it's right next door to the tofu shop where I'd often bought cigarettes. I did look in the door of the tofu shop as I left, but I was thinking of buying some biscuits or sweets.

Mid afternoon I needed something: Some nameless, unspecified, nebulous, thing. I decided to head down to the local convenience store for a large V and a packet of sugar-free gum. I'm not normally a gum chewer, and with Champix, nicotine gum isn't a good idea, but I wanted to be doing something with my mouth that didn't involve calories.

Know what you mean. For me it's almonds and nuts .. I like the chewable vice.

Stick with the patches, they get you through breaking the smoking habit, then when you come off them you'll still get the nicotine withdrawal, but hopefully you will have broken the link from the nicotine to the smoking habit. ... At least that's the theory as someone once explained it to me.

When we know how easily we'd weaken and go back, it's best to deliver ourselves from evil and lead not into temptation

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Tuesday 11 September 2014.

Triggers Non smoking night 5

Tessa and I went out for a pizza at the Ponsonby International food court and then on to Circus Circus in Mt Eden for coffee. They are both regular haunts of ours and the first time we've been since I quit.

It was really quite weird as at several points on the trip I felt a strong desire to smoke. The desire was much stronger than the desires I've been having for the last couple of days. I thought about this and realised that these were at places where previously I would have lit-up. Getting out of the car, leaving the food court, etc.

I never realised that I was so predictable as to where I lit up while travelling around. I'm hoping that these were places where I nearly always lit up, as I've already worked out that the desire to smoke associated with a place seems to reduce much faster when I (nearly) always lit up there.

It felt good to be back at Circus Circus. I begged off with a weak excuse at the weekend as I did not wish to go anywhere I might feel strong temptation with a tobacco pusher nearby.


One lucky thing for me is that I haven't smoked inside for well over 10 years, so computer, TV, etc aren't associated with smoking (Except some ad breaks where I'd rush outside).

There's a guy I have worked with for 14 years who hasn't smoked since before I met him. To this day he often carries a pen outside and mock puffs on it when he needs a stress break. He refers to the smoking pen as a "kuglescriber".

I won't suggest putting anything in your mouth while doing "big toilet", but about 20 years ago when a club I belonged to banned smoking in the toilets, I remember this elderly lady saying "I can't understand how men can smoke in the toilet" ... to which I replied "It's a gender differences, when men urinate, our mouths aren't involved" and wandered off before she had a reply.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Monday 10 September 2014.