Quiet day Reblogging

Hmmm, last time I put "Quiet day" in a post title I was coming down with that damnable energy sapping virus I hope I've finally shaken.

I've spent today copying my old postings off quit-line and into this my (largely abandoned) public blog at blogspot. I'm going to re-post them here in sequence, a few a day until they catch up with quit-line.

I'm not planning on stopping blogging there, but a side effect of blogging there is that I've got back into the habit of blogging. The quit-line house rules say that the blogging space here is for posts that primarily discuss our progress with quitting and as I progress with being an ex-smoker and prospective non-smoker the non-smoking side of what I do becomes relatively less important while the other aspects of my life become relatively more important to me.

As with all of us, there will be a time in the future when my blogging ceases to be a good fit for quit-line. When that will be I have no way of saying. Last time I was a non-smoker, blogging hadn't been invented.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Saturday 11 October 2014.

We've come so far

I had a regular phone call from Quit-line today after it I was pretty stewed up. No names, no pack drill, but as one of my co-workers pointed out my fuse has been fairly short the last month and 4 days. The upshot of everything was that I was stressed out. Annoyed, but no real desire to head off to the dairy and get a pack. Now I've repatriated the blog from their servers I may write up the full story.

Tessa and I had a picnic dinner in Cornwall park tonight then went on to Circus Circus for coffee. While we were there one of the staff dropped a bottle of water right by our table and there was glass and water everywhere. Other than Tessa's immediate "It wasn't me, this time" we were mostly just amused by the experience.

A month ago tonight I was on day 12 of my Champix starter pack (Day 5 of quitting). Tonight I'm having the last tablet from the first regular Champix pack. Tomorrow I start on the 2nd and last pack.

That night was the first time I'd gone out socially since giving up. That night we also went to Circus Circus after dinner and I was concentrating on avoiding the smoking triggers hitting me from all kind of stray corners. Tonight I wasn't feeling any triggers ... just the occasional "I'd like a cigarette" feeling I get on a fairly regular basis. Those unexpected "out of nowhere" triggers were so strong I almost caved quite a few times. Now the feelings are weak and not a threat.

As time goes by I become more and more convinced that I'm going to succeed. Sure I've got to watch for stray side swipes from triggers, but I now believe I could do it.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Tuesday 10 October 2014.

Yersinia pseudotuberculosis - another reason not to smoke

I was watching the news tonight and this pesky ailment is spreading via
vegetables including carrots and lettuce. I'd guess if lettuce can
spread God's punishment on the vegans, tobacco leaf could too.

This critter isn't just a food poisoning, "Genetically, the pathogen
causing plague, Y. pestis, is very similar to Y. pseudotuberculosis. The
plague appears to have evolved from Y. pseudotuberculosis about 1500 to
20,000 years ago.[" - Wikipedia.

Disclaimer: I'm not a public health expert; I'm a computer programmer
who occasionally does stand-up. If you want to base personal health
decisions on tips from me, can I also get you to help me get a
considerable amount of money out of Nigeria?

What about the rats? They spread plague, they could probably spread Y.
pseudotuberculosis when they are having their morning showers.

One of the scariest things I've ever seen was a (pet) rat running across
the floor towards cover with a lit cigarette in her mouth. I never left
another lit cigarette in the ashtray in that flat again. Of course now I
haven't had pet rats for over 20 years and no-longer smoke it's all
rather academic.

Those rats were real sweeties. Once when I had 'flu one of them hopped
up on the bed, sniffed me, then turned and ran off. "Great", I thought,
"Even the rat doesn't want to know me". A minute or so later he was
back, walked over to my hand, opened his mouth and dropped an uncooked
piece of tapioca in my hand ... he'd worked out I was sick and gone to
his food bowl to get me a treat.

OK, he didn't actually like the tapioca, but probably figured that since
I kept giving it to him I must.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Monday 9 October 2014.

Rewarding myself for not smoking

Today had it's moments. On the way in I was hit by a strong desire for a meat pie. I stopped at the local Hollywood and by then had changed my mind and looked at the fruit salads before finally deciding on a salad sandwich.

When I got to work there was a strong smell of paint. All the internal doors were being done. So I needed to take the sandwich out onto the balcony to eat it. While I was out there I noticed that my ashtray had vanished. I found where it had got to, it had blown away and ended up on the balcony below ours. The lid's come off, but luckily it was empty and cleaned out. I don't think the people on that level ever go onto their balcony, but am wondering if I should go down and 'fess up or just leave it. It was only $3 from the dollar shop, and I don't need it any more so it's not like I care very much.

I've been having problems running an ancient version of a program that doesn't seem to like 64 bit windows. I couldn't run it in a 32 bit VM because for some reason these couldn't see the database. After struggling all day I finally got it going right on 6PM. 15 minutes later I was out of there so fast you couldn't see the dust. I had to get to a date with my new toy.

As I write this I'm having a coffee. Not just any coffee, but a freshly brewed long black from my new fully automated Delonghi espresso machine. Water in the side, coffee beans in the top, press the button and there's my coffee.

I understand that for a lot of people coffee was/is a trigger. Luckily for me it was the other way as I used to have a cigarette while the kettle was running and the coffee afterwards. This means that the coffee doesn't make me feel like a cigarette, quite the opposite really.

Yes, I have spent some of that money I've saved by not smoking on another of my likes. I picked up the machine at a reduced price at the big box sale Noel Leemings had at the ASB show grounds last weekend.

I unpacked and set-up the machine last night but by the time I'd finished it was too late for coffee. This morning I lazed in bed enjoying the warmth and once I was out I needed to leave quickly so the grand christening was tonight and then I was stuck at work.

I'm not doing this for the money. I'm doing it for the health. But, I'm happy to use some of that money that's not going up in smoke.

Some time in early January I will have saved enough to buy myself a 3D
printer. Then we'll see how good I am at resisting temptation.

I've just finished the cup so I'll post this now.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 8 October 2014.

Moving on and up

Stats Update: 31 days smoke free

Smoke free days: 31 days
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 930
Total savings: $833.90

WOW. One whole month has gone by, I stopped off at the chemist today
and picked up my (final) repeat of Champix. I didn't even realise the
month was up until I saw the calendar on my PC at work this morning.

I logged in to Quit-line from work today and got a little pop-up asking
how much I'd smoked in the last two weeks. I was very proud to be able
to answer "Not one puff"

Adding to that I haven't felt much in the way of exhaustion either today.

The sun was shining, the birds singing and the spring flowers blooming
all to celebrate my month.

After this I was asked why my quit date and a visual cue on the site
didn't match. My immediate reply "I'm not sure. It's possibly because
when I first signed up I thought you were supposed to take Champix for 2
weeks before giving up so my quit date was a week later than what I
discovered it could be when I actually got the prescription filled.

"I've changed my quit date on here but it only seems to have partially
taken. My auto emails and phone calls are also a week out. [...] I've
just queried their web master about it." started a process I'll deal
with later. Let's just say I'm no longer quite the enthusiastic
supporter of quit-line that I once was,

Now I've moved to my own blogging space I no longer need to worry about
the censorship on quit-line blogs. Let's just say for now I'm no longer
quite the enthusiastic supporter of quit-line that I once was,
Yay ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Tuesday 7 October 2014.

Darkness in the city of the soul

I woke up this morning and my clock radio's face was blank. Yes, I was one of the 40,000 Aucklanders without electricity today. [[Note 12 October - This was the number I'd heard at the time, subsequently I've heard other numbers up to 85,000 and in one outlier, 85,000 homes. Obviously I didn't do my own count.]]

Just in case there was still no 'lecky tonight, I decided to save the hot water in the tank, a lukewarm shower tomorrow morning being preferable to an icy cold one. I also decided I didn't want a cold breakfast in an unlit room with no Internet so MacDonald for breakfast, St Luke's for a roast pork and salad lunch and Ponsonby Road for Fettuccine Bolognese for dinner. About 10 Million calories while feeling uncomfortable in my unwashed skin.

What I didn't do was have my morning Champix. Not intentionally, I just plain forgot. The packet sits on my computer desk so I normally have them in my face at both ends of the day. This morning I didn't sit there. I didn't notice any difference to my desire to stay smoke-free, but the addiction did try to slip in on the annoyances with the news that today was obviously special and a cigarette today wouldn't count. Ah, the ingenuity of my desire to lie to myself. Thankfully I was able to resist.

The power's back on. I've neither bathed nor smoked today. Tomorrow I will shower, but not smoke. I'm also seriously considering halving my Champix dose to see if it makes a difference to the fatigue.

I'm reading that most people who halve their Champix do it because of insomnia; I've got exactly the opposite problem and could happily sleep 19 hours a day. More on this when I post tonight's blog.

I'm scared of the comments that people who have halved their Champix found the cravings stronger. I just don't want to go there.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 5 October 2014.

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Clean, clean at last

The electricity was still on this morning and it looks like Vector turned the hot water heating on overnight as well so I had a lovely hot shower. After feeling so sticky and horrible yesterday it felt so good to be clean.

As noted I've been having ongoing problems with fatigue. For example Saturday I had a full night's sleep, then was up for 2 hours then asleep for 4 or 5 then up for a few hours and then a full night's sleep. I don't know if it's Champix, a flu' like illness that Tessa and I have both had, or possibly some other medical condition. There's no way I want to risk being taken off the Champix early so I'm reduced to self diagnosis.

Despite the above confusion, I've been seriously thinking of halving my Champix dose, mainly as a way to work out if it is actually the Champix. I've been reading comments by people who have reduced their Champix dose because of insomnia. They find the cravings are greatly increased and I don't want to be dealing with any increased desire for inhale-able salads. I've decided for now to keep taking the full Champix dose, but I'm closely monitoring the situation.

Yesterday I forgot the morning one and didn't run out of energy. Today I deliberately took the morning one and the evening one and haven't felt the exhaustion yet. Tomorrow I'll take the morning does and monitor my progress. If I start feeling done-in early to mid afternoon I may try moving my tablet times to later in the day and just before bed.

As a footnote, Tessa had a bad night's sleep the last two nights because of another problem. Early afternoon today she hit the wall and needed a nap. She thinks it was the broken sleep; I'm not convinced that the flu-like illness wasn't involved and am watching there as well.

Usually writing these entries out helps to clarify things in my mind. Today I'm as confused as when I started. Oh well, let's find out if tomorrow is really another day.

I will go to the doctor if this becomes long term or if it starts getting much worse. Meanwhile there are reasons I don't want to discuss here why I'm not ready for that step yet.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Monday 6 October 2014.

Blogs, energy and the passage of time

When I started this journey I decided I would write up my progress each day. As I said in a comment to my previous blog I didn't really expect I'd succeed in getting through the first week. When / if I failed yet again I wanted a record of how I failed so I could look back on it next time and plan better. Things have changed now. Come midnight tonight I will be 4 weeks smoke free. I really feel I can do it this time if I can overcome the tiredness.

I'm putting the success down to two things. The Champix and the blogs this site. The Champix bit is self explanatory, "the blogs on this site" isn't quite so obvious, my blogs, your blogs, your comments on my blogs and my comments on your blogs all help me. I don't really know you beyond what you say here about your progress along the same journey as I'm taking, we're like a band of Anti-Argonauts avoiding being fleeced by the golden leaf.

But the blog is also telling me something I didn't expect to happen has happened. This tiredness is both on-going and starting to get me down. If its from Champix I'm in a bad place, I can't see myself winning without it. If it's not the Champix I'm starting to get really worried. As she's had the virus I had a few days behind me, Tessa is my miner's canary. If she's got the exhaustion too this weekend I can put it down to the virus too. Of course, if it doesn't clear up soon it will open its own difficulties - for both of us.

[[Update: 19 October
The tiredness did eventually go away. I'm getting a few broken nights of sleep, , but at least when I'm tried the next day I know what to blame it on.]]

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Friday 3 October 2014.

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Stats Update: 28 days smoke free

Smoke free days: 28 days
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 840
Total savings: $753.20

Another quiet day. Didn't want to get up this morning so managed to sleep on and off until nearly 10. Then I was up for a couple of hours and then went back to bed for nearly 4 hours sleep.

I feel OK now, but too much sleep is going on here.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Saturday 4 October 2014.

Birthday Dinner

I had another rough day, exhaustion and needed to sleep for much of the
day. I'm really looking forward to this symptom of whatever going away.

Today is Tessa's birthday and we went out for dinner at Tony's Henderson
(Her choice). She asked me a couple of times if I wanted to go for a
cigarette, I just said "No". After the main she asked again and this
time I just looked at her.

Tessa: "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Me: continued looking
T: "Have you given up or something?"
Me: "Yes"
T: looks in disbelief "When?"
Me: "4 weeks ago"
T: "Why?"
Me: "I don't want to die"
T: "Why didn't you tell me?"
Me: For the first couple of days I didn't want any additional stress.
Since then I've been waiting for you to realise.

It's a relief that it's finally out of the bag as I'd been getting
rather bored of the "say nothing" game.

It's a relief finally being out of the closet with respect to my
non-smoking.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Thursday 2 October 2014.

Welcome Stoptoberists.

Just wanted to welcome all you Quit-line quitters to the Given Up Club.

The Rules Are:
1. You Can Do It!
2. Not One Puff Ever!
3. One Day At A Time!

Now on with my daily report. If you're new here and not used to my blogging, don't read too much into the health stuff in my writings, my nearest and dearest has never been a smoker and is getting most of the same, we suspect a virus and no we haven't been to west Africa.

My 26th smoke free day's been characterised by acid stomach, burping and methane production elsewhere. Coming up to lunchtime I felt quite bad so
I swapped around and had a vegetarian lunch from the Indian food place in the Rialto then ham + salad rolls for dinner.

After I'd finished it occurred to me that Indian might not have been the best choice for an acid stomach, but it wasn't too spicy. Mind you, when Tessa asks me how spicy Asian food is, I often need to say "Very mild, probably too spicy for you" ... she's the first to admit that she's a "Wuss". I've observed since giving up that I do notice chili a little more, but am still fairly tolerant. To be fair, she can woof down cupcakes that are 1000 times sweeter than I can enjoy.

It's not even 10pm and I'm fading fast. Still quite acid, but hopefully
I'll drop off to sleep fairly quickly.

Night all.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 1 October September 2014.

Half-week 28th September to 1 October

[[October 16 Note: This was a fairly quiet week on my smoke free blogging front. I've decided to combine the days into a single post for Blogspot]]


A quiet weekend's been and gone

My fourth smoke-free weekend is ending. Each week that goes by is easier.

I'm still very low energy and have no idea if it's he Champix, the giving up, or this silly 'flu thing. Tessa has the 'flu thing that I had at the start of the week and has spent most of the weekend asleep, so I'm happy to blame that for now.

I'm now on my longest smoke-free since I first started and I really believe that this time I can win. I'm hoping that the exhaustion and the Champix aren't related. I have no idea if I still need the stuff, but I don't want to risk finding out.

I have a social event Monday evening. Luckily it's a smoke free event but it will be my first alcohol since early July. I'm not expecting any negatives but it will be interesting to observe how I react.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 28 September 2014.

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Coming out at work

I've let my workmates know that I'm on my 24th day of giving up. I explained that I said nothing earlier because I was trying to minimise stress. I also used it as a chance to explain about the possible side effects of Champix.

They took it well, but ironically in the late morning I got the strongest cravings I've had a work since week 1. Successfully resisted, of course.

In retrospect doing this today when I'm going out for drinks tonight for the first time since July probably wasn't the greatest tactical move but it's nothing I can't overcome.



An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 29 September 2014.

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Alcohologram -- Reality through wine tinted glasses

I survived my first evening with alcohol since a couple of months before giving up tobacco. I wasn't exposed to smoke during the event, but afterwards walking up Albert Street to the bus there were a few people smoking on the street. Not long ago I would have been one of them and it definitely set off triggers a few times.

One of the strongest triggers was when I passed the Manhattan building where I lived for a few months in 2002 or early 2003 .... and there's a convenience store right there. Luckily I was able to stay true to my quest for a bus and Veered neither to the right nor to the left but went like Peter Dunne, straight down the centre"

Another test passed. Now I know I can drink and not smoke. Also it was good catching up with some people I haven't seen in several months, including someone I haven't seen since the mid '70s. I didn't even know he was associated with that group.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Tuesday 30 September 2014.

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Distractions

Got really stressed at work today (work related). Rewriting some procedural code as SQL was slowly but surely doing my head in. I needed to cut out for a walk and ended up circumnavigating the old Newmarket Domain (The block that contains Lumsden Green and the pool) to clear my mind.

Yes, cigarettes were on my mind, but not as a strong urge. I did toy with the idea of smoking "Just one" but resisted. When I'm looking at myself "from a distance" it's amazing how cunning and duplicitous I can be in my dealings with myself.

I rewarded myself with a little gift. Starting today it's been possible to register .nz instead of .co.nz, etc. I registered clement.nz to match my surname. I'm not sure what I'll do with it yet, but I'm sure I'll think of something.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 1 Octoer 2014.

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Just oneism

Now I'm on my 26th day I think my brain has finally accepted that I'm determined not to go back to smoking so the full frontal attack has largely gone away.

I've noticed recently that it keeps throwing "I'll just have one" more and more at me. Intellectually I know that this would be a really dumb move and impossible to keep to so there's no way I'd risk it, but it's interesting how it keeps slipping into my consciousness.

Been a while since I did a stats update:
Smoke free days: 25 days
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 750
Total savings: $672.50


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 1 October 2014.

How Wifi Wifie got her name and other stories

I was asked in a comment on a previous post (Quit-line original) why I call Tessa "WIFI Wifie" on and the answer is "I don't", except on Quit-line. I'm already using my real given name and the first letter of my surname. If I used her given name as well we'd be easily identifiable. Obviously this is now published on my public blog but at least initially I was not wanting to unambiguously identify myself. Especially as the image I displayed on my Quit line profile really is me from a couple of years back. My hair is longer now.

I do like her and as they all sound too curt, I didn't want to just say something purely descriptive like "The wife", "My former fiancée" or "She who must be appeased with the hearts of young children"

"Wifie" was simply intended as an affectionate diminutive for "wife". I'll admit that I didn't do my homework properly there as that's an Americanism. The term doesn't exist as such in standard English but in Geordie it's derogatory (ref: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/wifie).
Again it was a bit curt and even without the research seemed almost a put-down "widdle iddle wifie", so I wanted a little something extra.

Eventually by an in-depth process of looking up slightly to the right of my computerat a small plastic box with aerials and flashing lights I came up with WIFI. That's too prosaic, so I needed a better justification.

"WIFI" because:

1. If you search Google for Wifie, it will suggest "wifi"
2. It's nicely alliterative.
3. We each have Android phones and tablets and share an iPad we won. I like my keyboard and desktop, she prefers using the tablets via WIFI

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 28 September 2014.

The evening and the morning were the 21st day

It's really hard thinking that three weeks ago tonight I was rationing my last pack of cigarettes to run out exactly at bed time so I wouldn't have any left for the morning. A lots happened in that time and a lot hasn't.

I finished one piece of unfinished business today when I emptied and washed out my ashtray at work. I'd been avoiding dealing with it because I simply didn't wish to touch it Today I treble bagged the contents and gave the empty container a good rinse.

I've decided to sit Tessa down over the weekend and let he know I've given up smoking. She's currently sick with the bug I had, so I'll be gentle with her.

I've been having a tough day of it today. I've still got some left-overs from the virus I had earlier in the week and just after midnight I had some severe stomach cramping ... I think I lost a couple of kilos before I went back to bed 1/2 an hour later. Despite doubting I had anything left to give, I've since been 5 more times starting at around 6am. Some for real and some as Shakespeare put it "a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing."

An early night for me tonight. I've programmed Coronation Street to record and I'll watch it over the weekend.

Night all and as Dave Allen used to say "may your God go with you."

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Friday 26 September 2014.

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Morning
Something weird happened a little after 8PM. The TV suddenly switched itself on in the back room. Took me a while to work out where the voices were coming from. Once I got back to bed it did take me a couple of hours to finally drop off again, but I must have got nearly 10 hours sleep. I'm feeling much better, sitting here watching Coronation St. The recording "broke" at about the point where the TV switched on. Luckily I'm past that point now and still watching.

Plans for today include chillin' out and not smoking.

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Tired

After sleeping over 10 hours last night, I've done very little today. I had a couple of hours nap in the afternoon and still feel I have very little energy now.

I don't think that this is something I can put down to the Champix. Tessa seems to be following the same illness/tiredness process as me a few days behind and as far as I know she's never smoked so she's most definitely not on Champix. She's slept most of the day.

On the plus side, as far as I can remember I've had no cravings today.

I don't think we're anaemic. It felt viral, but I have been eating more vegetarian food than normal this week. I normally eat meat about 5 or 6 meals a week (out of 14) and when the fever was at its worst I couldn't face the thought of anything fatty or oily so I had muesli with boiling water for dinner those days. Tessa is much the same at the moment so vegetables are the menu. I love veggies. Until recently I used to set fire to dried veggies and inhale the smoke ... thirty times a day.

There's a lot more poisonous plants than there are poisonous animals.

On the other hand very few poisonous plants that sneak up and bite people...

Let's call it a draw


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Saturday 27 September 2014.

Psuedosynæsthesia ODAAT, not DOATT

Except for the lozenges and e-cigarettes I've tried everything everyone else on Quit-line has mentioned. before 1990 I even tried snuff and smokeless tobacco.

The only thing that's ever really worked for me has been nicotine receptor blockers like Zyban and Champix.

I'm on Champix now and on my 19th smoke free day. The cravings are largely gone, triggers are now very few, but what I have learned is I can't let my guard down. One cigarette and it's back to day 1. I've come too far to want to contemplate that.

I'm also on day 2 of a 24 hour virus. When I was a smoker, I'd force myself to light up and puff even when it made me cough so bad my lungs hurt. It was a relief today not to feel the urge to do this to myself.

(P.S.

• ODATT = One Day At The Time, The motto of Alcoholics Anonymous;
• DOATT = Day One All The Time)

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 24 October 2014.

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Psuedosynæsthesia?

I asked if anyone else was experiencing strange tastes unrelated to what they are actually eating?

A few times recently I've noticed a smoky aroma from Moccona coffee. Tonight I was having a peanut butter sandwich and suddenly had a taste of cinnamon. There was no cinnamon anywhere near me.

Someone on Quit-line mentioned green tea tastes like cigarettes to her now. Hmmm, green tea and cigarettes. I guess if you're a regular green tea drinker, that's much like my getting a smoky smell in my coffee.

I've noticed that Circus Circus' coffee tastes a bit stronger than previously, but Tessa also noticed that so I figured it was real. I still like about the same amount of chili-in-oil on my crispy pork.

I think I'll blame it on the Champix.

[[October 14 update. I seem to have gone off the crispy pork a bit since writing this, I'm finding it too fatty. I hope this isn't a long term taste change.]]

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Thursday 25 October 2014.

Recipe: Renuked beans a la Clement

I've been feeling a bit 'flu like all day. I couldn't be bothered having a proper meal so I thought I'd make one of my favourite comfort foods.

1 400g Tin baked beans,
1 *Large* heaped teaspoon Laoganma brand minced chili in chili oil
2 Thick slices from cheapest 1kg block mild cheese.
150 gm Nacho style corn chips.

Mix beans and chili in large dessert bowl.
Julienne cheese, insert into bean mix long-wise.
Cover with Glad wrap
Microwave until boiling.

Eat with the corn-chips. A thumb or spoon may be necessary to mop up the last bit.

Preparation time 1 to 3 minutes depending on pantry search time.
Cooking time 2 to 3 minutes.

Serves 1 hungry ex-smoking man or 2 normal people.

It is edible, but hardly gourmet. Add a bit more and the chili works up a sweat after eating.

Cautions:
* Tongue burning hot when first out of the microwave
* Take care not to miss your mouth. The mix is incredibly hard to get out of your beard once cooled.

P.S. Still not smoking and feeling good about it.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Monday 22 September 2014.

Day 18. Flu

Yes, I was right, I was coming down with something. Have felt a bit soft and squishy all day.

Reading through the blogs tonight, there's a lot of heavy stuff going down for others, so I won't dwell on anything. I'm still here, still not smoking and don't feel any need to smoke tonight.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Tuesday 23 September 2014.

Saturday, Reflecting A better mood

Gosh that last post of mine was unpleasant. I wasn't in a good head space at all yesterday. Feeling much more positive today.

Listening to the wind howl I'm glad I voted yesterday. I've always liked voting on the day, but I'll happily stay inside today.

Time for some reflection.

Two weeks ago today I woke up for my first smoke-free day. I didn't start blogging on Quit-line until 2 days later, but my first post http://www.quit.org.nz/blog/view/post/59823/ was a recap and said "Saturday was rough. Every time I walked by the back door I wanted to step out and light up [...]. I think if I'd had any I would have lit up. I refused to leave the house. Several times I felt desperate for a smoke. I ended up hitting the sweets, biscuits, nuts, and almonds pretty hard."

Looking back at those rather bleak words I can feel how far I've come, and also see I've still got a long way to go. I'm still munching on nuts, almonds and chocolate biscuits; but not nearly as much. I'm still not terribly keen on social outings, but aren't actively avoiding them.

There's still not a huge amount of active joy in my life, but not as much sorrow either. To an extent my emotions are wound back. It's improving gradually though.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 20 September 2014.


Day 16. Quiet day

I'm feeling like I have a minor virus. Not sure if that's psychosomatic or something real. Given I was exposed on Thursday and Friday at work I'd believe either way. Whichever it is it's sapping my energy.

Yesterday I had an extensive nap in the afternoon. After watching the tail end of the election results I slept late this morning. Then I ended up having a nap in the afternoon.

Until I sat down to come to the Quit line site to write this I hadn't really thought about smoking today.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 21 September 2014.

[[Note: 15 October. This was the first time I commented on, and I think the first time I noticed, the energy sapping virus that bugged me for the next few weeks]]

It's just a jump to the left then a step to the right

Let's do the smoke-free tonight :)

[[Note 15 October. This is a rather horrid posting. I've left it in the republishing sequence as it shows where my mind was at this point of giving up. The next day's posting noted this as well. I'm going to repost them simultaneously]]

With really damp weather predicted for the weekend, I voted at lunchtime. On my way out of the polling booth there was some kind of "media event" happening. I needed to push past some turkeys sitting on the stairs with telephoto lenses trained on a toad-like creature at the main door.

Despite the fact that he was blocking access to and from an operating polling booth the mediadroid had the cheek to complain that I had knocked his camera as I passed. As did the toad-like creature as I needed to push past it (*) to get out of the building.

Moral: Don't mess with a recent ex-smoker. I was feeling quite evil today and my charity levels were way down(**).

Kathy, the Brisbane based co-worker I mentioned yesterday, had a nosebleed at lunch yesterday with flu like symptoms today. I accused her of having Ebola, like I can't tell the West-coast of Africa from the East-coast of Australia. (Hint: East Africa has more water)

Anyway, I've voted. I have my emergency survival kit and can stay in all weekend if I need to.

(*) I'm unsure of the correct pronoun.
(**) I did give to the Canteen street collection though. Canteen's a great charity and I always make a point of supporting their street collections.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Friday 19 September 2014.

Outed at work today

Kathy, a colleague of ours from Brisbane was in town today and we went for lunch as a group. We were meeting at the front door to work's building. I arrived there with Jan, the person at the next desk to me and went to go outside. Jan asked if I was going out for a smoke and I said "No", just going out.

After lunch when we came back three of us got into the lift and for some reason Jan asked why I hadn't had a smoke. Kathy piped up "He's given up smoking" which led to a funny exchange

Jan: Have you given up?
Me: Yes.
Jan: Why did you lie when I asked if you were having a cigarette before?
Me: I didn't lie. You asked if I was having one and I said "No". Then I didn't have one.
Jan: When did you give up?
Me: Two weeks ago. (OK, a slight exaggeration it won't be two weeks until late tomorrow night)
Jan: No, when did you give up?
Me: Two weeks ago.
((Awkward Silence))
Me: When did you last see me have a smoke?
Jan (To Kathy): How did you know he gave up?
Kathy: He doesn't smell of smoke any more.

OK, work guessed before Tessa. Always a possibility as there are 4 of them and only one of her, but I wasn't expecting someone I only see every few months to be the one to work it out. I've asked the people in the lift not to mention it to the others. I do feel sorry for Tessa. I was hoping for a day or two pressure free, tops. Now it's gone on for nearly two weeks and I'm quite worried that she'll feel hurt when she discovers I didn't share for so long.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Thursday 18 September 2014.

Pride cometh before a fall

I thought I was doing so well for the last few days until lunch today. We had an irregular get together at Sal's Pizza for people I used to work with.

Sitting outside after finishing eating I suddenly desperately wanted a smoke. I have no idea where it came from or why it was so strong.

If I'd had access to them at that point I would have lit up. I did resist walking up the road and buying some, but only just. I was already on my feet when the party broke up.

Right now I feel one hell of a lot less cocky than I have recently.

"Pride costs more than hunger, thirst and cold." - Thomas Jefferson

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 17 September 2014.

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Nicknames for Nick O'Teene

Many call it "Nicodemon". As smoking is like a kiss, I've been calling her Lady N. While I wouldn't knowingly kiss a demon, I've kissed a few ladies in my time. I found out this morning it upsets someone who's on-line here as it's close to her nickname.

Sorry if the Lady N makes anyone uncomfortable. Any pet name runs the risk of upsetting someone. I used to work with a French guy called Nico and I guess he could feel the same about "Nicodemon".

So everyone, what do you call Nicotine?

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 17 September 2014.

Approaching normality, day 10 non-smoking

"Probability factor of one to one. We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem." Trillian (hhgttg)

I feel I'm approaching normality, not there yet, but at least the buildings aren't washing up and down on the beach while the sea stays as stationary as a rock.

Today I had the least cravings I've had since giving up.

No desire to light up early this morning. No desire on arriving at work. I was polite to the jaywalker merely pointing out that had I had a car and not a bicycle that she would have been very sore indeed.

One of the other tenants in our office building is in a similar field and smokes. Sometime I used to smoke and chat with him. Today as I went to lunch he was having a smoke and I stopped and had a chat ... have to admit that I would have liked a cigarette at that point, but it's one of only two times today I have. The other was on returning from lunch.

Bugger! The third was while I was typing the previous paragraph :) I guess I'm just an illusion in the mind of Heisenberg.

I wouldn't call them cravings, just an "I'd like a cigarette" moment. Manageable and avoidable.

I've had a few stomach cramps late today. not sure where that's going, it's probably just the massive influx of almonds, cashews, chilli peas, etc.

PS Kudos to @aimee7 for her post about feeling normal this morning; 2 days ahead of me :)


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 14 September 2014.

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William Blake Revisited

The Sick Rose

"O Rose thou art sick.
The invisible worm,
That flies in the night
In the howling storm:

"Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy:
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy."

Nothing, as such, to do with smoking but somehow it seems to fit as our love for smoking kills us.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 14 September 2014.

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Stats Update: 10 days smoke-free

There are many other stats on these blogs, they all look similar, but these are mine, Mine, MINE!!! Take that Mr Stuyvesant.

Smoke free days: 10 days
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 300
Total savings: $269.00

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Tuesday 16 September 2014.

I have no words and I must scream.

I may have made a tactical mistake when I decided I wasn't going to tell anyone I'd given up, just wait for them to notice. I didn't tell them because I didn't need any extra pressure. Past experience taught me that I needed to be single minded ad any pressure pro or con needed to be avoided. To be fair to Tessa and my cow-irkers, none of them have ever complained about my smoking. Tessa would probably be very supportive as she was when her mother gave up. I had no plans of keeping it a "secret" for this long from Tessa. My thought process was that I wouldn't mention it to start to reduce pressures and then sometime during the first day or two it would come up in conversation. I'm actually stunned that it hasn't been noticed.

Tessa I went to Circus Circus for coffee and the ground floor was full up inside so we decided to sit at one of the outside tables. The people at the other outside table pointed out that they were smoking and I assured them that we didn't mind.

Tessa looked up from her smartphone and volunteered that I was a smoker myself. I strongly wanted to ask her when she'd last seen me with a cigarette, hadn't she noticed that this was my 9th day smoke-free? I didn't, I'm waiting for that look of realisation when she works it out for herself.

We ended up having quite a good chat with the people at the next table. Much to my surprise their smoke affected me little ... neither to the positive nor the negative. It's possible that I wasn't completely OK about it but I was OK enough that I could sit there and talk to them without giving way to my compulsions.

I'm thinking she hasn't noticed because it's not about a TV cooking contest and I don't use Fail book. She even asked if I needed a cigarette as we were going into lunch (Before going for coffee). I'm sure she'll work it out eventually ... Heat death of the universe and all that.

I'm never going to be made to feel guilty for not noticing a haircut again.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Sunday 14 September 2014.

Ex Smokers and Snacking

I'm not normally a chewing gum fan, and despite my efforts to switch to it I'm sure I'm going to balloon out before I finish this process.

I'm eating a large amount of almonds and chilli peas together with moderate amounts of cashew nuts and then there's the occasional chocolate biscuits straight from the freezer. None of these are new to me, but I've sure ramped up my consumption. Dark chocolate TimTams is one of the two types of chocolate biscuits I keep in the freezer (The other being Select brand Chocolate Mint Creams). Love them ice cold.

What's everyone else on Quit-line doing snackwise?

Once the weather clears up a little I think I'll ramp up the exercise. Even a bit more cycling would help.

I've walked two of the last three "Round the bays", maybe this time I'll be able to jog it.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Saturday 13 September 2014.

Normal brain dysfunction restored

OK, not quite true.

I am having early migraine symptoms today. I get them from time-to-time so it's not unexpected I should get one during the quitting process. I've never been sure what triggers them, but I know stress can speed the process up.

Something is still playing havoc with my sleep processes. I went to bed 9:30 PM, slept to 1 AM, got back to sleep about 2:30, slept to about 7:30 didn't want to get up so I dozed off and on until a little before 10:30 AM. I don't feel quite as zapped as I have the last few days, but I also don't feel completely rested. I'm pinning it on the Champix, but it could be anything.

I'm definitely staying home today. Catch up on some of the comedy TV stuff I recorded during the week and wasn't in the mood to watch.

So far I haven't had any cravings today. It's only day 8 so I know it's just my brain being subtle while getting ready for a guerrilla attack on my common-sense. I'm hoping to defeat whatever is coming mostly by being in a place where it would be impossible to get a cigarette.

Take that you 1.5 kilos of ugly wrinkled grey matter :)

So far I'm not seeing the migraine as abnormal, just annoying. So far I've just had a few lots of "sparkles" so I know it's hovering in the background, I just wish it would hit and clear itself out my system for a month or two.

[[Updates 13 October

• The migraine hasn't really kicked in so it's now a month overdue. They'd been getting progressively more frequent and stronger for a few years so here's hoping.
• This tiredness hung around for over a month before mysteriously vanishing. Tessa's started a couple of days after me & ended about the same time. I have no proof what was behind it, but I suspect that Champix & quitting may have played their part in making it worse.]]

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Saturday 13 September 2014.

Vogonity: Resistance is futile. Day 7 non-smoking.

Somebody once said of me "doesn't suffer fools gladly, or at all if he can help it".

My vegan brother's in town from the UK at the moment. We wanted to meet for lunch. I suggested Newmarket where I work at noon. This was too early for him and too hard to get to. He wanted to go to Burger Fuel (I never knew they did vegan food) at 1. The nearest Burger Fuel's in Parnell so we compromised, Parnell 12:30.

12 sharp my phone rings. It's the brother. He's in Newmarket and doesn't know how to get to Parnell. I ask him where is. He can't give a clear explanation or street names and eventually advances he's outside a pub called The Lumsden.

"OK, wait there I'm 2 minutes walk away".

On one hand, he's lived overseas for 20 years, but he grew up in this town. We used to go swimming at the Newmarket pool. Which reminds me, he's training for a triathlon. He wanted to swim some laps. Standing outside the Newmarket pool he asks how to get to the tepid baths. I showed him the pool through the window.

Seven days of not smoking and Champix or not, my tolerance levels are down, after turning up where I suggested at the time I suggested both of which were impossible, I had little left.

We got down to Parnell and he had his vegan burger, while I had a Bastard burger with added Stilton (Blue cheese) sauce. What can I say? I would happily have gone to a vegetarian restaurant, but I'm not going into a burger place this week and not having my favourite from their menu.

I know that vegans won't eat honey; I took great delight teasing him that logically they also shouldn't eat fruits and vegetables pollinated by domesticated bees.

P.S. I know my brother isn't a fool. He did his doctorate in artificial intelligence; based on today it could have been a useful prosthetic for him.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Friday 12 September 2014.

Champix side-effects?

I've been going to bed and sleep a couple of hours early all week, yet I feel really tired. I did have a couple of broken nights but most nights I've slept through.

I've searched for this symptom related to Champix, and the people I've found who report it are experiencing vivid dreams and/or insomnia which I am not getting.

Today's my seventh day off the cigarettes, so I'm sticking with the Champix no matter what, but I could do with a bit more energy.

Fatigue", "exhaustion", "washed out" ... definitely. I just hope I can manage with it.

"Dizzy" - possibly what I experienced as mild nausea my first few days on Champix. Largely passed now.

"Basically a zombie with the munchies for a good 3 months" - Yikes. I've got the munchies, I hope I can avoid the other part, but if you see me wandering around saying "Brains ... brains .... brains" run :).

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Friday 12 September 2014.

Day 6. Getting more normal

I had my first noticeable health / fitness benefit today. While I was cycling to work I realised that I had been working the gears so I was changing up earlier and changing down later; meaning I was putting more energy into the ride ... all this without noticing I was working harder.

Back at work today after yesterday's stress attack, things seemed a lot easier than they have been all week.

I decided to venture further afield at lunch time than early in the week and went down to Passion Food at the Newmarket Plaza food court for a crispy skin pork with chili. I won't say I have this a lot, but when I front up at this Chinese food stand and hand over $10, no words are required.

I'd been avoiding this food court as it's right next door to the tofu shop where I'd often bought cigarettes. I did look in the door of the tofu shop as I left, but I was thinking of buying some biscuits or sweets.

Mid afternoon I needed something: Some nameless, unspecified, nebulous, thing. I decided to head down to the local convenience store for a large V and a packet of sugar-free gum. I'm not normally a gum chewer, and with Champix, nicotine gum isn't a good idea, but I wanted to be doing something with my mouth that didn't involve calories.

Know what you mean. For me it's almonds and nuts .. I like the chewable vice.

Stick with the patches, they get you through breaking the smoking habit, then when you come off them you'll still get the nicotine withdrawal, but hopefully you will have broken the link from the nicotine to the smoking habit. ... At least that's the theory as someone once explained it to me.

When we know how easily we'd weaken and go back, it's best to deliver ourselves from evil and lead not into temptation

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Tuesday 11 September 2014.

Triggers Non smoking night 5

Tessa and I went out for a pizza at the Ponsonby International food court and then on to Circus Circus in Mt Eden for coffee. They are both regular haunts of ours and the first time we've been since I quit.

It was really quite weird as at several points on the trip I felt a strong desire to smoke. The desire was much stronger than the desires I've been having for the last couple of days. I thought about this and realised that these were at places where previously I would have lit-up. Getting out of the car, leaving the food court, etc.

I never realised that I was so predictable as to where I lit up while travelling around. I'm hoping that these were places where I nearly always lit up, as I've already worked out that the desire to smoke associated with a place seems to reduce much faster when I (nearly) always lit up there.

It felt good to be back at Circus Circus. I begged off with a weak excuse at the weekend as I did not wish to go anywhere I might feel strong temptation with a tobacco pusher nearby.


One lucky thing for me is that I haven't smoked inside for well over 10 years, so computer, TV, etc aren't associated with smoking (Except some ad breaks where I'd rush outside).

There's a guy I have worked with for 14 years who hasn't smoked since before I met him. To this day he often carries a pen outside and mock puffs on it when he needs a stress break. He refers to the smoking pen as a "kuglescriber".

I won't suggest putting anything in your mouth while doing "big toilet", but about 20 years ago when a club I belonged to banned smoking in the toilets, I remember this elderly lady saying "I can't understand how men can smoke in the toilet" ... to which I replied "It's a gender differences, when men urinate, our mouths aren't involved" and wandered off before she had a reply.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Monday 10 September 2014.

Stress Leave, Non-smoking day 5

I didn't sleep well last night at least in part because I was still stewed up about my mother's comments on Sunday.

I also had two other extra stress creating things today, including a complaint I made to the building manager about rats in the ceiling, and how I think they are getting there (don't ask, she was horrified).

I think normally I would have soldiered on and gone to work but today I just couldn't cope. I phoned my boss, explained that for reasons I didn't want to give, but are unrelated to work, I was too stressed to work and asked for a day's annual leave at zero notice. Luckily he said "Yes" without argument.

I really hate to think how I would have got through the day if he'd said "No". I doubt I would have done any programming worth having.

I've spent most of the day writing a long letter to my mother about Sunday. Explaining how thrown I was by her dragging something up from 43 years ago and denying her allegations as to my responsibility (I don't think the facts themselves are greatly in dispute). I have no idea if I'll send it, but I think writing it helped me. It basically concluded "Yes I was nasty and cruel. I was a child, children often are nasty and cruel. In my child mind it wasn't even that, but of simple self defence. I was taking the only steps my child mind could think of to try and protect myself from your abdication of your responsibility as my parent to protect me and my brothers. Until Sunday I assumed that I had long since moved on. Your bringing it up brought back that feeling of betrayal you engendered in me. I can understand the guilt you must feel, and can see how you might wish to avoid it, but you must accept it if you are to be at peace with yourself."

I had mild desires for a cigarette early afternoon and then slightly stronger about ½ an hour ago (Which is why I'm writing this blog, now ... displacement). Despite the extra stress I didn't have as strong a desire as yesterday.

I did go out to my smoking spot on the back porch a couple of times. Not to smoke, just to stand and think.

Let's hope I sleep well tonight.


An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Wednesday 10 September 2014.

Cravings Tuesday, Day 4

Cravings were less today, but still bad at times.

I'm still being very careful to avoid tobacco pushers. I feel less tempted to buy a packet, but it is definitely still quite strongly there, so avoiding their shops is a help.

About 11:30 AM I started to get strong cravings. By about 11:50 I decided I needed to go and get some food as a distraction. On my way to lunch I noticed several women smoking in Newmarket's Olympic Memorial Park. Weirdly I didn't notice any men. Yesterday I noticed the man at the panel beaters having a quick cigarette. He wasn't there today.

Today for lunch I grabbed a burger and chips from the Newmarket branch of Eden Kebabs then ate them in the memorial park. While I was there I watched a woman from Maori TV interview a man whose jacket said he was from the Maori sports foundation; it kept me from ogling the female smokers (Focussing on their cigarettes).

Going home was much easier tonight. I didn't get the shakes and I didn't have a strong compulsion to stop at the petrol station for a packet. My munchies weren't as bad, but I still have snacked quite a bit.

I will admit that if there had been a packet here, I would have smoked one(*) so I still don't trust myself, but I know I can avoid buying any and I don't intend being with any smokers for quite some time. Ex smokers are like alcoholics one drink and they are back into it, just one puff and we are hooked again.

Weirdly enough, I have effectively given up drinking ... I might have a couple of glasses of wine every few months ... but wasn't hooked, so it was easy. Smoking though ... a whole different story.

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(*) "One, just one" ... how easy it is for us to lie to ourselves. Luckily I don't believe a word of it. That "Just one" is how I've gone back to smoking in the past. That plus how good that first cigarette feels. The trouble is it's a trap and this time I'm not falling into the trap.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Tuesday 9 September 2014.

Goooooood Morning Smoke Freeeeeee!!!!!!!!

I slept well last night, As I thought, Sunday night was just an aberration.

The desires I have for cigarettes are even less than they were on previous mornings. I'm actually looking forward to work without the dread of cravings.

I actually woke up a couple of minutes before the alarm, but felt so cold I stayed in bed. Different to when I smoked as then I woke up, grabbed my jandals and dressing gown, and walked out to the back porch to light up.

Great, I can reward myself with sloth for giving up tobacco. LOL

A former girlfriend once said that I was amazing. I'd be snoring, give one snort, open my eyes, swing my legs out of bed and throw my dressing gown on as I walked out the door. I guess like cigarettes this is now a part of my past and not my present or future.

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Tuesday 9 September 2014.

Non-smoking day 3 Monday

I didn't sleep too well last night. I went to bed early and woke up a little before 2 AM with a full bladder. After dealing to that I couldn't settle and didn't get back to sleep until after 3:30 AM. I've heard this can be a side-effect of Champix, but think it was more stress related. Time will tell. When the alarm went I really wanted more sleep, but work summoned.

Before I started this programme I tried to work out where my big risks were. Work is one of the big ones. I knew I needed to give up late on Friday so I could have two full days smoke-free before next being at work. Even so, I have a fairly intense and mentally demanding job so I saw my first smoke-free working day as a huge risk.

It was weird. I seem to have already adjusted to not stepping outside for that first smoke of the day; but when I left home for the bike ride to work I instinctively patted my jacket pockets for my cigarettes. (Yes, I used to smoke while riding my push-bike. If you work in the Parnell, Newmarket ares you may have just sussed who I am).

Starting the work day without a quick puff just before going in wasn't too bad. I've deliberately decided not to tell anyone without a "need to know" about my giving up. My workmates don't need to know. If they notice they notice, but I'm not bringing the matter up. A couple of times during the day when I would have taken a quick smoke break wasn't too bad either. I just reminded myself I wasn't smoking. I actually went to my designated smoking area for a minute or so ... mainly to get out of the air conditioning and computer whirr.

Lunch time was tough. I went to a nearby lunch-bar for a sandwich and chips. I chose this lunch bar today because I knew that I wouldn't walk past a place that sells cigarettes. On the way back to work, eating lunch as I walked I started thinking about the closest places that sell cigarettes. I ended up deciding that the closest one required walking past work ... so as soon as I got to work I raced inside and started back into work a little earlier than scheduled.

If I can play mind games to try and trick myself into visiting tobacco pushers, I can certainly play mind games to stop myself.

This afternoon was also tough. Mostly because the work I was doing required only very small amounts of action by me and large amounts of waiting for the computer to install new software. Time I could spend thinking about you-know-what.

I was reasonably well in control, and didn't get back to mentally triangulating tobacco pushers.

Riding home was tough. Tough, tough, tough. I was physically shaking, almost begging myself to stop at the Mobil petrol station 500 metres from home and buy a packet. A little voice was saying "Just smoke one and throw the rest of the pack away". No, I was strong, I resisted.

Then I went to my local dairy for a loaf of bread. The lady there asked if I wanted any cigarettes. She's the first I've told I'm giving up, she wished me luck. I ended up buying a packet of chili peas, to give a lower calorie alternate to the sugar snacks and nuts.

For about the first hour I was munching and wanting that cigarette. It's abated now. I know I shouldn't let myself substitute junk-food for the cigarettes; but right now I'm adding "long term" to that.

It's 7PM and I'm feeling pretty good.

3 days clean!

 An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Monday 8 September 2014.

Non-smoking days 1 and 2

After smoking since 1976 I finally gave up on Saturday the 6th September 2014. Friday night was day 7 of my Champix and Saturday was going to be day 8 so I used up all my remaining cigarettes and went to bed in a cigarette free house.

I know it was a cigarette free house. I searched the place top-to-bottom to see if any cigarettes or tobacco would turn up. Nothing, nil, Nada. Sometimes I told myself I'd destroy any cigarettes I found, sometimes I was more honest and admitted to myself that this destruction would involve burning them, one-at-a-time.

Saturday was rough. Every time I walked by the back door I wanted to step out and light up (For over 10 years I've always smoked outside). I know if I'd had any I would have lit up. I refused to leave the house.

Several times I felt desperate for a smoke. I ended up hitting the sweets, biscuits, cashews, peanuts, and almonds pretty hard.

I also spent a few hours napping during the day.

Sunday was a little better still wanted a smoke but I felt that as long as I avoided any place I could buy tobacco I could make it. I was still getting the cravings a little (October note: How naive, they weren't little yet, just less than Saturday's).

I had to go other to my mother's as, after I decided my quit date, after I started taking Champix, Ross, my brother in the UK decided to make a flying visit. I needed to set up a room for him to stay in.

Weirdly enough my mother decided to tackle me about an old disagreement circa 1972. I was too stressed to be nice so I wasn't impressed.

Didn't sleep too well. Went to bed early and woke up a little before 2 AM. Couldn't settle and didn't get back to sleep until after 3AM Monday 8th. I've found that writing it up helped me tonight. Writing is cathartic or something ... not that I'm a Cathar ... LOL

An earlier version of this posting was originally published on Quit line on Monday 8 September 2014.

Determined to give up smoking

Like most smokers I've wanted to give up for quite some time. Since the late 1970s I've made innumerable attempts to give up. Usually I've lasted no more than a few hours, occasionally a few days.

I've tried nearly everything from cold turkey,  hypnosis, nicotine patches, nicotine gum, Zyban and Champix.

The longest I ever managed to give up was for about a week, about 11 years ago. That was with the aid of a medicine called Zyban. For reasons I don't know Zyban is now no longer recommended and Champix is the preferred alternative. I did try champix a few years back without great success, but this time I am pretty determined.

My memory was that with Champix you were supposed to give up about 2 weeks into the course and I've registered with Quit line with a smoking succession date of 13 August. I've had the prescription filled and discovered that I'm supposed to quit some time in the second week of taking Champix. I've now redefined my quit date in my head.

Champix starter tablets are about the size of a grain of uncooked long-grain rice and about as easy to swallow. A large glass of water and some food is required to get them down.


This entry is actually being written on October 10 2014, attempting to reconstruct in my mind how I felt in late August.

Smoking blogs redux

This entry is actually being written on October 11 2014. I've spent the last month giving up smoking.

As part of my therapy I've been blogging every night since the 3rd night on the Quit-line site.

Quit-line is censored and it's also not the worlds greatest site for anything that isn't totally focussed on the process of smoking cessation. As always with me nothing is ever totally focussed on one thing so I've decided I want to repatriate my writing to a site I control.

I'll be republishing (sometimes edited) versions of my Quit-line blogs on here. This raises an interesting question about dates.

For historicity I want the blog date to be the original publication date, but I don't want to just suddenly dump 45 posts into the history of this blog. So I've decided to initially post them in something approaching a compressed version of real-time (two or 3 a day) but with the original date on them until I'm up-to-date.

I'll start with a (reconstructed) day I started preparing to quit followed by the blogs.

At some future point I'll move this explanation to where it belongs towards the start of the chronology. I've moved it to the start.

How I follow webcomics

Recently The Frumps (NSFW), one of the webcomics I follow, asked how its readers used its RSS feed and if we preferred having a thumbnail or a full-sized cartoon. I started writing a reply to them then realised that I wasn't just explaining how I used their RSS feed, but how I follow websites in general.

I follow quite a few RSS feeds, originally I used Google Reader but when when that closed I decided that in future I would have control of my reading and not be placed at the mercy of a third party service that could vanish at any time. Eventually I decided to use a self hosted copy of Feed-on-Feeds as my RSS aggregator. I use it for following webcomics, news (e.g. newspaper sites), science blogs, some technology bloggers I enjoy, as well as social, political and environmental bloggers. Occasionally if RSS isn't an option I'll subscribe to email notifications for a really good blog, but never (so far) to a webcomic.

Did a 4 Dimensional black hole spawn the Universe?

Not being a physisist I've often idly wondered how the universe, constrained to a single point, at the start of the big bang avoided being a black hole, now there's a theory that it started as a 4 dimensional black hole, making it even more mysterious to me.

The "Big Bang model tells us that the Universe exploded out of an infinitely dense point, or singularity. But nobody knows what would have triggered this outburst: the known laws of physics cannot tell us what happened at that moment."

"It is also difficult to explain how a violent Big Bang would have left behind a Universe that has an almost completely uniform temperature, because there does not seem to have been enough time since the birth of the cosmos for it to have reached temperature equilibrium."

Nature

Qondio, R.I.P.

It looks like Qondio has finally shut down.

I was a user of it from the early days when it was known as Qassia. I think it started on a fairly optimistic note as a place where quality content could be posted, and quality was ensured by a process of having other members rate contributions. Unfortunately being open access they had a lot of problems when some scammers moved in and tried to rig the voting process. If I recall correctly this led to them making some changes but by then the damage to their reputation seems to have been done.

It limped along for a couple of years and I noticed a week or two back that it no longer seemed to be there. For a while the domain name redirected and now seems to be on a hosting provider's default page.

I liked the idea and for quite a while I hoped it would recover, but alas it seems not.

I'm now working on transferring the posting that were unique to Qondio to this blog (or in a few cases one of my other ones) and will be keeping the original posting dates.

Choosing Creative Commons Licenses

I've just changed the licence my blogs are published under.  Everything that's published in most of the world is automatically covered by copyright and by default the author has all rights to their words (or images) and also by default nobody else has the right to republish the work. Some people choose to allow others to republish their works with or without modifications and there are a number of licences that give these permissions, they are all based in and depend on copyright law.

If you are going to use a free licence you need to carefully choose one that allows your work to be used in the way that you are happy with while blocking uses you consider inappropriate. "Carefully" both to give effect to your wishes and because all the free licences I'm aware of are perpetual and once you've licenced someone to use your work they can continue using it under that licence for the life of the copyright.

MaKey MaKey Almost anything's a keyboard

Well, anything that's even a bit conductive that is.

This is a seriously cool gadget, Arduino based and developed at M.I.T., MaKey MaKey connects via USB to a computer and lets you build touch pads or keyboards out of bananas, modelling clay and even people. 

MaKey MaKey Mario
Flikr: CC-By-NC

Like the conductive "Squishy Circuits" from a couple of years back this looks like a great way to interest young minds in electronics.

More information and how to get one (US$ 45 including shipping) at their KickStarter page or read more at their own project page.They also have a Flikr set of their own projects.

At the time of writing there are more applications on the KickStarter page than the others but I guess that will change over time.

Kiwis cashing in on YouTube

Interesting

"More than 100 New Zealand "video bloggers" have so far joined YouTube's Partner Programme, which was first offered to producers of popular content and has been extended to everyone in the 20 countries where it's available."

NZ Herald News

"Big Music" may have put Kim Dotcom out of business for offering unsigned musicians a platform to promote their talents, but Google is a lot bigger and less touchable than he was. Are services like this the beginning of the end for "Big music" or will Google simply add "Big Content" to it's existing "Big Data" role? 

"The hand of Vengeance found the bed
To which the Purple Tyrant fled;
The iron hand crush'd the Tyrant's head
And became a Tyrant in his stead."

William Blake

E.R. Bumper Sticker

I feel this should be her bumper sticker, but then I would love to see a Rolls Royce with a bumper sticker saying "My other car's a Lada" so who am I to say?

The story behind the picture: A couple of weeks thought, an image originally from NASA (in the public domain), 2 minutes adding a caption and cropping with The Gimp.

Hope you enjoy it.

Affiliate Programmes Update

A little over four years back I was thinking about using affiliate links on my websites and discovered it wasn't very easy to find suitable affiliate programmes (affiliate programs?) for the New Zealand webmaster.

Being me, I decided to start an affiliate directory instead and list the ones I could find that were prepared to be open about their programmes and paid in NZ$ or at least in some form that was easy to cash over here. After a few months I had a second unhappy go at finding sites and reported my not very happy experiences on one of my other blogs ¿Que? - Biting The Hand:

"Over the last few days it feels like I've looked at close to 1,000 affiliate scheme sign-up pages, probably only half that in reality. From these I've extracted 50 that I've added to the directory and another 20 where I've queried the scheme owner"

Since then I've added very few new entries to the directory and  just purged ones where the site went away. The directory has been a bit of an open wound that I didn't want to touch.

Last night I decided it was past time to refresh the directory. I purged out all but one of the schemes that still hadn't replied to my 2008 query (I re-queried the other one) and went looking for more. Things have changed a lot in the last 42 months and I was pleasantly surprised. I just searched Google for "affiliate", New Zealand sites only and started following links. Out of the first 60 links I've added 19 sites. OK, 10 of those I queried for some information, but usually just 1 or 2 minor points. Of the others, some were programmes I already listed, some were blog entries about affiliate programs, some were duplicates (Google listing multiple pages from the same site on different pages), a couple were me and only a very few were genuinly bad ones.

One thing I've noticed is that there are programme owners who are now offering 20% or greater commission, in one case 75%. Four years ago commissions under 10% were pretty common. Today I found a program that actually apologised for offering only 10% and explained that it was because they used live sales people to close the deal and human trainers to deliver the product. They neededn't have worried yet, 10% is still pretty mainstream for high value sales.

OK, Webmasters are now much better at creating and explaining realistic programmes on their sites, but how responsive are they? One person I queried late last night responded first thing this morning, despite it being a Saturday. He gave me all the answers I requested. It will be interesting to see how long the others take.

Are things perfect? Not yet. The fact that I had to query basic facts about payment and cookie retention from half the programmes that I felt worth listing means that they still aren't thinking it through properly.

Finally, one local business is offering a massive 0% commission ... it really makes me feel like promoting their products.

Bulk Directory Submission Spam

Hardly a day goes by when I don't receive at least one spam offering to improve my search engine rankings or offering bulk directory submissions, often several. If you own a website with a contact page you probably get a few too. Here's why you should never give them your business.

Dumb Phishing Attempt

This was in my spam folder today, dummied up to look like it was from a major New Zealand bank

This wasn't pretending to be from my bank, but even if I did bank with the company that was being impersonated there is no way I would believe a message with such poor grammar would have been from them.

If, as we are constantly told, phishing is a profitable business, why can't they afford to have their pitches translated or at least proofread by someone who actually speaks English? I wonder if it is arrogance or stupidity?

Study shows just how complex cancer tumors can be

From "Not Exactly Rocket Science" by Ed Yong: "

Cancer isn’t a single disease, so we can dispense with the idea of a single “cure”. There are over 200 different types, each with their own individual quirks.

Even for a single type – say, breast cancer – there can be many different sub-types that demand different treatments. Even within a single subtype, one patient’s tumour can be very different from another’s. They could both have very different sets of mutated genes, which can affect their prognosis and which drugs they should take. Even in a single patient, a tumour can take on many guises. Cancer, after all, evolves. A tumour’s cells are not bound by the controls that keep the rest of our body in check. They grow and divide without restraint, picking up new genetic changes along the way. Just as animals and plants evolve new strategies to foil predators or produce more offspring, a tumour’s cells can evolve new ways of resisting drugs or growing even faster.

Now, we know that even a single tumour can be a hotbed of diversity."

Full article

Aussie Kids Believe Yoghurt Grows On Trees.

Australia once rode to prosperity on the sheep's back, but nowadays children are so divorced from rural life many believe yoghurt grows on trees and 40 per cent of the Year 10s believed cotton came from an animal. NZ Herald

NZ and Auckland Linux User Group mailing lists down

The list maintainer, Mark Foster, has reported that the virtual machine that normally runs AuckLUG and NZLUG mailing lists has suffered a misfortune.

As a temporary measure he has set up a new mailing list at http://lists.nzoss.org.nz/mailman/listinfo/nzlug.

If you are a subscriber to either of these lists and Mark hasn't subscribed you to the temporary list you can subscribe there. Equally if you're interested in Linux and you'd like to subscribe, you'll be made most welcome.

Indian call for affirmative action on Free Software

Erosion of privacy and personal freedom on online media drew worried mention at the just-concluded Fourth International FOSS (free and open source software) Conference-Kerala (FOSSK4). [...]

It demanded affirmative action by Governments around the world - especially in the Global South - to promote the use of FOSS as a cost-effective, customisable and robust technology option.

The Hindu, Business Line

Linux package dependencies show predator/prey relationship

Computer people often talk about a "software ecosystem" on various computer platforms, but it's rare to see someone take the terminology seriously. Evolutionary biologists Miguel A. Fortuna, Juan A. Bonachela, and Simon A. Levin of Princeton University have used the tools of ecosystem analysis to look at the evolution of Debian releases, examining things like package dependencies and software incompatibility.

"Overall, the key feature of the modularity the team identified seems to be that the decreasing number of conflicts across modules means that more of the software available for the operating system can install, since it's rare that a conflict will completely block an entire module from installing and running. The authors suggest that we might learn something about biology by studying software, but they don't actually provide examples of how this might work; at this stage, then, it's not an especially compelling argument. "

Full Article at Ars Technica

Facebook engineer talks about how they made FB mobile run everwhere

Facebook has the most downloaded smartphone application ever and over 350 million users accessing their website from both smart and dumb phones.

This is a talk by Dave Fetterman of Facebook on how they evolved their smart phone interface from fairly thick client to a progressively thinner one with more Html 5 features in the mix.

How Facebook Mobile Was Designed to Write Once, Run Everywhere:

Zurker A New Social Network

Over recent days Zurker a new social network has gone into alpha test.

For the benefit of anyone who has been trapped in a windowless room for the last 7 years, social networking is a web phenomenon where individuals interact with other individuals through sharing information. Usually there is a way for businesses to spread their message as well.

Today the 800 kg gorilla of social networking is Facebook who took the mantle from Myspace and Bebo in 2008. They are being challenged by Google, but look to be weathering that storm. They are also challenged to an extent by special purpose social networks like linked-in for business connections.

Previous social networks have had privacy issues as people didn't really trust the corporations to whom they gave all that personal information. Zurker has turned that on its head by allocating a portion of their ownership to be owned by their members. Currently these are "Virtual shares" but they say that when they launch their corporation they will be turned into real shares.

Zurker is being rolled out on a country by country basis and today it's New Zealand's turn! A couple of days ago I was approached by one of the founders I've had previous dealings with and asked to help with the Kiwi operation, which I agreed to. Just after midnight I registered the .nz domain name zurker.co.nz and today it's live.

Technically it's invite only at the moment but they make it pretty clear that they welcome invites via blog posts, so here's yours ... Click here ... send me a "Convo" when you sign-up. Yes, like all the others, they have their own jargon, but it translates fairly easily to the terms you are used to.

As alpha quality software you can expect a few glitches, and so far I've found a couple of fairly minor ones, but the quality seems pretty good.

Disclaimer, I'm not an executive but subject to negotiations, I intend having a personal stake in Zurker.

13 Ways To Think About And Crush Your Competition

I've been thinking about Internet start-ups a bit recently and was impressed when I stumbled across this article
13 Ways To Think About And Crush Your Competition by Jason L. Baptiste who is the co-founder and CEO of a growing venture backed startup.

He's got thirteen points and they are all different, but if I had to produce a summary it would be under two headings:

• Be your own business - leave the competition to make their own mistakes and don't copy them.
• Make sure you have sufficient funding in place to survive.

There's a lot more and I have no qualms recommending reading and thinking about this article.

Clement Family Christmas

Today was Christmas day and as we have done for the last several years we gathered at my sister Diana's house for the day.

To save an early start, my mother went over the night before and stayed. Tessa, my wife, Tessa's mother and I arrived around 8:30 AM. Although she runs her own baking business these days, Tessa is a fully qualified and experienced professional chef and she she insists she prepares and cooks the turkey. She soon had it stuffed and in the oven.

Then it was outside to enjoy a breakfast of Diana's home made bagels on the porch. In New Zealand, December is summer and we are having one of the first really hot days of this year's summer. Sitting on the porch was great. It was a small gathering this year, just Diana, her two children, our mother, me, Tessa, Tessa's mum and our cousin's adult daughter.

After breakfast the children wanted to see their gifts (and I suspect some of the adults did too) so it was inside for the presents to be passed out. The kids loved their presents .. mostly games for their playstation and a couple of Harry Potter DVDs. The adults gifts were more mundane, but were appreciated, Tessa got given a couple of cookbooks (I think she has them all now) and a food dehydrator which she went into raptures about ... she's been dropping hints about wanting one for a few months.

I have two brothers, one in Sydney and the other in England. The both usually phone during the day, the one in England did, but got a really bad phone line so he's going to phone Mum tonight. No word from the one in Sydney, but he'll probably phone in the evening.

Then on to the Christmas dinner. Traditional roast turkey with potato, kumera (a local sweet potato), onion, broccoli, asparagus and salad. The meal was tasty and enjoyed by all. After lunch Tessa made a devastating discovery. Her mother is an insulin dependent diabetic and while the rest home had sent her insulin with her, they had forgotten to pack the needles! Fortunately we were able to obtain one and didn't have to return to the rest home on the other side of Auckland (about an hour round trip) to get it. I can tell you we were really panicking

Next on the agena was dessert. Tessa had made a diabetic trifle which was delicious and my mother had provided a traditional Christmas pudding. A small amount of brandy was poured over the pudding and my niece tried to light it using my childproof cigarette lighter. For the first time I can remember the childproofing worked and I had to light it then try to pass it to her already lit ... it only took three goes.

Finally the kids got to play with their presents and the adults could relax over coffee. Diana and I fixed her son's bicycle, somehow the chain had come off the front derallier and wedged between the gear assembly and the frame but with a lot of jiggling and a modicum of force we freed it so he can enjoy the bike during the summer holidays.

Then finally with farewells like we would never see each other again we left to take our mothers home.

It's good to have these get togethers and it always seems a shame that we do them so seldom. It's also a little sad that two brothers are so far away, but we always think about them and often talk on the day. Family is the most important thing there is.

Originally published on Qondio